Dear Ms.......
Av: Andrew Davies
Publicerad 23 februari 2010 09:22
3 kommentarer
Avancerad affärsengelska är ett tveeggat svärd. Användande på fel sätt kan avslöja både det ena och det andra - inte bara företagshemligheter utan även mindre smickrande delar av företagskulturen.
Dear Ms................,
Thank you for your email of 4th April which you sent to my colleague Mr Johan Maisentito, and which he kindly forwarded on to me. Can I ask that you amend your records so future emails regarding this subject come to me which can help ensure a timely reply?....etc etc
What do you think?
Advanced professional English is a double-edged sword. Used incorrectly, as with the above, it can reveal all sorts of office politics and more. Let us dissect and analyse the simple email intro.
The ‘kindly forwarded to me’, actually means the opposite. It should be taken as read that your colleague is ‘kind’ and acts in a ‘kind manner’. Pointing out that he or she does so implies that they do not normally behave like that. Here, I start to feel a bit sorry for Mr Maisentito.
The next discussion point is, ‘Can I ask....?’ Well the writer certainly can but I may answer no. This is probably not what the writer was striving for. There are better alternatives to make a polite request.
T he word ‘amend’ is the next problem. This suggests that something is wrong and needs to be changed. In this email that would be rather presumptuous. What word can you think of that would be better suited?
Furthermore, the point, ‘...so future emails regarding this subject come to me...’ At this juncture, I would offer Johan a drink to drown his sorrows. You see, the way this is expressed by the writer implies that Mr. Maisentito is not very efficient in his tasks and this is further exacerbated with ‘ensure a timely reply’. Oh dear, oh dear! The writer is being clear that he or she is cleaning up Johan’s mess and is delighted to broadcast it.
On the whole, as an introductory paragraph, it fails. Hundreds of these emails fall into my lap each year and it is worrying as the company or institution’s image is at stake.
Naturally, the first paragraph should contain the reason for writing. Talking about contact details should be left to the end otherwise one detracts from the email’s body of information.
First Conclusion: Because it sounds formal or sounds good does not mean that it is solid professional English. Look over your emails carefully thinking about them from the reader’s perspective.
Second conclusion: Read the first conclusions again, reflect on it. It’s that important. I have seen naively written emails and letters lose a considerable amount of business.
© Andrew Davies, Communicoach 2010
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